To be determined
Chapter 3
back in the therapist office I started the meeting
I am so depressed anymore. I can’t remember a day when I don’t cry. And now it becomes an uncontrollable shaking. Like I am freezing.
I have been trapped for so long now. Happiness ,laughter, having fun are distant memories. Maybe sleep would help I don’t believe that I get more than two hours before I wake up crying. Nothing stays in me for long as soon as I eat I have to run to the bathroom. Where are all the friends I use to have? I running out of money. I am going to lose my house and probably my mind. Prayers to God and Jesus seem to go unanswered. I guess the lord doesn’t like me anymore, I really can’t spend much time trying to figure that out. I hear many say that God and religion are just a bunch of bullshit that people made up.
I had a dream last night ,my wedding a marriage, it occupied my thought all through breakfast , day dreaming of mister wonderful sweeping me off my feet. I planned the whole day, the table arrangements ,the flowers the music played by the musicians, all the delicious food and the decorations for the cake.
My mother leaned over my should and read what I was writing then rolled her eyes and said “ Child if you are thinking Oliver is your night in shining armor you better think twice. That boy has nothing going on upstairs.” Cheryl snickered and the rest started laughing, I admitted I started to laugh to but later I sobbed into my pillow at the thought of never getting married or that I would end up an old spinster.
Later that day when my mom was alone I asked “ Mom what is wrong with me? All the other girls seem to find a boyfriend who is smart and well mannered. The boys only pay attention to me when they want someone to pitch for their team. Really they treat me like one of the boys, they even said I wasn’t like the rest of the girls.” My mother leaned over and put her hand on my hands and said “ Dear the lord has a time and a place for everything you really have to keep your faith with him and he will never let you down. You have to be patient and don’t go running around with those ruffians what’s their names Jack and that other boy “ she paused and I said “Mike “ “ Yes Micheal Grueling that’s the boy ,mind me girl ,those fellows are no good “ she said sternly while looking me in the eye. I swallowed hard but her words did little to help me feel any better.
