She called again last night

art by jen

I didn’t know what to tell her I felt her pain. I thought I would write to you and tell you what she said.

She said ,

I fell on my pillow and cried, sometimes I feel like I am living a dream most times it is just an endless nightmare. I don’t want all this medical intervention pills to make me who I am. just so the world can hate me ,look down their righteous noses because they don’t understand and they can’t see past it. This pain boils over into the flames of another day closer to the end ,I feel like my life is slipping away.

art by jen

Off in the distance I hear a train whistle blowing ,it reminds me of my youth ,it reminds me of my pining. it’s a sad song fading off in the night

She continued ,

these tears I have have been crying land me smack back to reality ,it isn’t what I want. You said God is love , I wonder if he has ears, how much pain is acceptable and for how many years. it has been a half century ,nothing in Gods time ,it is everything to me ,it is at least in my mind, I don’t have Gods luxury of time ,I wasn’t here when he laid the foundations for earth or the rocked the cradle of humanity . I am just a girl trapped in it’s grip ,I can’t change the worlds perception ,I can barely feed my own hunger.

I sat silent ,,

Now I don’t know what to say or if that would ever change anything for her. I just listened ,but now I am sad. I want to help though that is no consolation.

Art by jen